Schiavo Ruling
The Florida state supreme court has ruled against Governor Jeb Bush's fight to keep severely brain-damaged Terry Schiavo hooked up to life support. Bush is shocked, since the same court hooked up his severely brain-damaged brother to the White House four years ago.

Bush-Allawi
President Bush and interim Iraqi Prime Minister Ayad Allawi met in Washington again yesterday. The two men have a lot in common: Allawi spent several years avoiding Saddam Hussein's secret police who were trying to drag him back to Iraq, and Bush spent several years avoiding the military police who were trying to get him to show up for National Guard.

Cheney Attack
Vice President Dick Cheney says John Kerry's decision to criticize Iraqi Prime Minister Ayad Allawi in a press conference yesterday "showed tremendous disrespect." Cheney says if Kerry wanted to criticize Allawi in a more respectful way he could have just told him to "F**k off."

Iraqi Elections
President Bush and Iraqi Prime Minister Ayad Allawi insist Iraqi elections will be held on schedule this January. In fact, they say the only real hold-up is they're having a hard time finding someone who can produce a series of attack ads in Arabic.