Live Appearance Alert!!! I'm performing at a special stand up comedy competition/TV audition at NY Improv on West 53rd Street and 8th Avenue on Saturday Night October 2nd!!! The show starts at 7PM. I really need your support if you can make it!!Here's the club's web site address: Ny Improv

Emmy Results
FOX's "Arrested Development" won the Emmy vote for best comedy series last night despite terrible ratings from the moment it first went on the air. At the podium, the series' jubilant creators said: "If President Bush can do it, so can we!"

Emmy Results II
After a four straight years of winning the best drama emmy, "The West Wing" finally lost to "The Sopranos" last night. Unfortunately, that's the only incumbent Hollywood has the ability to vote out.

Hastert Comment
House Speaker Dennis Hastert says al Qaeda wants John Kerry to win the presidential election. His comments are causing a commotion in Washington, as hundreds of congressmen are trying to find out if an al Qaeda endorsement comes with any campaign contributions.

Hastert Comment II
House Speaker Dennis Hastert claims that the terrorists want John Kerry to win the election. Al Qaeda leaders are angrily refuting that claim, not because they think John Kerry would be tougher on them, but because they can't figure out what he stands for either.

Miss America Winner
Miss Alabama Deidre Downs won the Miss America Pageant Saturday night. The future med school student had to overcome lots of obstacles, including 51 other contestants, a quiz on current affairs, and the fact that she sickened all the judges when she skillfully dissected a cadaver during the talent competition.

CBS Admission
CBS News is set to make a major announcement today concerning its reporting on President Bush's National Guard documents. The network is expected to say it was misled, not by the documents experts who said the memos were real, but by the doctors who said Dan Rather was sane.

Al Smith Dinner Snubs
The New York Archdiocese is not inviting President Bush or John Kerry to speak at its annual Al Smith Dinner. It's not because of the candidates' views on abortion, it's just that the Church believes the dinner's attendees deserve speakers they can understand.