Bush Evaluations
New reports say that when President Bush was in the Air National Guard, many of his superiors were politically pressured to give him good evaluations even though he didn't show up for duty. That's kind of like what happens every day on the FOX News Channel.

Subway Recovers
After a massive rainstorm crippled New York's subway's yesterday, trains were running normally again today. But commuters were more impressed that even after thousands of gallons of water flooded the system, each station still smells like urine.

Heart Study
A new study shows that too much inactivity puts you at greater risk for a heart attack than eating a high-fat diet. Bill Clinton is reacting to the news by hiring 6 new interns.

Dog Shooter
A Florida man who tried to shoot seven puppies was shot himself when one of the dogs put its paw on the revolver's trigger. So, it looks like the NRA has finally found a new spokesman to replace Charlton Heston!