WEB ALERT!!! I have a new story published on TheFakeNews.com that I think you'll all enjoy! Here's the link: The Fake News

Insurgent Demands
Terrorists in Iraq have captured two journalists from France. Usually, when the insurgents capture civilians, they demand their countries pull their troops out -- but since these men are French, al Qaeda figured they'd be better off if they demanded that their home country bring troops IN.

Top 5 Questions on the Kobe Bryant Trial Jury Questionnaire

5) Could you vote to acquit a man even though he constantly shoots from beyond the 3-point line when he has a 7-Ft. teammate wide open under the basket?

4) Can you be impartial about a defendant, even though he's already endured a severe hardship... like losing his Sprite endorsement contract?

3) Aspen's summer vacation season is over. So do you think you could prolong your deliberations enough so the media has to stay in the city's hotels at least until we get skiing weather?

2) What's the best gift to give your wife when you're publicly unfaithful: a new car, a diamond necklace, or a separate bedroom?

1) What's the more severe sentence: 10 years in prison, or one season with the Clippers?

Penn Station Safety
Working to ensure safety for the Republican National Convention, New York City Police have quickly contained the most likely source of dangerous and toxic materials that could get into Penn Station. Of course they did that by closing the public bathrooms.