WEB ALERT!!! I have a new satirical article published in this week's "Enduring Vision." Here's the link: Enduring Vision

U.S. Olympic Medal
American gymnast Paul Hamm says he's willing to share his gold medal with South Korean Yang Tae-Young. Hamm hopes the decision will smooth over the judges' error, and keep the "Swift Boat Veterans for Truth" from releasing a TV ad saying he didn't really deserve to win.

Scream Stolen
Edvard Munch's masterpiece "The Scream" was stolen from a museum in Oslo Sunday as visitors watched in shock. To sell it, the thieves will have to go to a place where all the potential buyers will have no knowledge that painting is an extremely famous piece of art; but it's not clear if they'll be able to get it on the Home Shopping Network.

Pay Phone Thief
A New York City phone company worker has been charged with stealing more than $100,000 in quarters from pay phones, and depositing the money in several banks. Police say the man was easy to catch because he was the only person at his work with a fancy house, a nice car, and a hernia.

Swift Boat Denial
Despite accusations from the Kerry campaign, the "Swift Boat Veterans for Truth" strongly denies it's working with the Bush campaign. The veterans do admit they scheduled a series of strategy sessions with Bush at a Texas Air National Guard base... but for some reason the President never showed up.

Geren Released
Most Americans began to celebrate after learning that Shiite insurgents had finally released Micah Geren earlier today. But their moods changed when they found out Geren was born in France, now lives in Greenwich Village, and is a journalist.