NEWSDAY ALERT!! I'm back in the Punchlines column of Newsday today. Here's the link: Newsday

Web Alert!! Whitehouse.org has published my special message from President Bush to the victims of Hurricane Charley. WARNING! Remember the language is "R" rated on this site and Bush fans will be offended. Here's the link: Whitehouse.org

Bush Fans Revenge!! Remember you can always get a few good jabs at the other guys by checking out my Kerry/Edwards jokes on the about.com web service. Here's the link: Kerry Jokes

McGreevey Donor Pleads
Governor McGreevey's biggest campaign contributor pleaded guilty to federal charges yesterday. The news marks a complete reversal for McGreevey; this week his favorite donor embarrassed him, and last week it was his favorite recipient.

Top 5 Things Overheard in the Oprah Jury Room

-Well, we're sending this guy to prison, but we can still cheer him up with one of those great gift baskets!

-45 years in prison will give him plenty of time to keep up with the book club

-What does Dr. Phil look like naked?

-Do we have to sentence this guy to death, or can we just give him a subscription to your magazine?

-I'm sorry, I wasn't listening to any testimony... I was too busy discovering my spirit

Kerry French
One of John Kerry's ex-girlfriends told an interviewer that every time they had sex, he would speak French. And experts say that as president, Kerry will screw the whole country whenever he speaks to the French.

Bush Drugs
President Bush is close to supporting the idea of importing cheaper prescription drugs -- but only if the safety of the drugs could be
assured. Of course, Bush knows a lot about testing the safety of imported drugs; in the 70's he always made his dealer do a few lines first.