Naked City
The city was shocked yesterday as naked demonstrators congregated near the site of the Republican National Convention. But the nude citizens say they weren't really protesting, it's just that getting naked is the only way to get near Madison Square Garden these days without getting frisked.

Bush Admission
In an interview yesterday with the New York Times, President Bush admitted that he "miscalculated" how strong the insurgency would be in Iraq. But afterwards, he realized the bigger miscalculation was agreeing to do an interview with the New York Times.

Protesters Nix Queens
After anti-war protestors were denied the use of Central Park for a massive demonstration, they were offered Flushing Meadow Park in Queens as an alternative. But organizers rejected that option because whenever people see thousands of deranged and angry protesters in Queens, everyone just assumes they're at a Mets game.

New MIT Prez
In what she calls a "huge personal achievement," Susan Hockfeld has just been named the first woman president of The Massachusetts Institute of Technology. But it's actually a much bigger achievement for MIT's faculty, alumni and students, who have finally proved that math geeks aren't always afraid of girls.

MTV Awards Move
This year's MTV Video Awards will be held in Miami instead of New York. The network says it wanted a change of scenery, needed to lower costs, and wanted to make sure the climate was warm enough for all the recording stars when they inevitably take their clothes off.

No Condom Class
New York City Public schools have decided not to require teachers to show high school students how to put on and use a condom. The biggest problem was that half the male teachers in the city kept volunteering to demonstrate the condoms on themselves.

Top 5 Classes Offered at the New Trump University

-Pre-nup economics

-Comb-over geometry

-Swedish for guys who want to date models

-The history of trophy wives

-The ego, superego, and Trump ego