Clinton Changes
Now that his heart surgery is over, former President Clinton is vowing to stay away from all things that are high in fat. If only this had happened 10 years ago, he could avoided that whole Monica Lewinsky scandal.

Clinton Recovering
Former President Clinton is recovering from heart bypass surgery, but his doctors are keeping him sedated. That should help him heal faster, and give his nurses a few days of peace before he starts trying to grab them again.

Yankee Game Delay
The effects of Hurricane Frances delayed yesterday's Yankees-Devil Rays game, and Yankee fans had to wait four hours until their team finally started to play. That's opposed to Mets fans, who have been waiting all season for their team to start playing.

GOP Convention Crime Stats
Crime in New York City dropped 40% during the Republican National Convention last week. That's because there were thousands more cops on the streets, stores were closed, and the nation's top corporate criminals were too busy attending convention parties to do any quality embezzling.

Fahrenheit 9/11 Oscar
Michael Moore is submitting "Fahrenheit 9/11" to the Oscar voters for "Best Picture," and not in the "Best Documentary" category. That's mostly because movies nominated for "Best Picture" can be works of fiction.

Russian Mourning
The aftermath of the terrorist attack on a Russian school has pushed that nation into a state of confusion. Mostly because it's the first national tragedy in the country's history that the government can't blame on the Jews.