Madonna in Israel
Madonna's current visit to Tel Aviv is generating great publicity for Israel. Not because she's promoting tourism, but the fact that she entered the country so easily has finally convinced the rest of the world that Israel really does need that security fence.

Olsen Twins McDonalds
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are now doing commercials for McDonalds in France even though Mary Kate has an eating disorder. Actually, Mary Kate is the perfect person to endorse McDonalds since she already knows how to throw up.

Olsen Twins McDonalds II
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are now doing commercials for McDonalds in France, even though Mary Kate has an eating disorder. This actually makes sense, because anyone who goes to a McDonalds in France must have an eating disorder.

Buchanan's Attack
Conservative commentator Pat Buchanan is attacking Republicans for abandoning their values. Republicans are responding by asking: "We have values?"

College Students
A new study shows that 1 in 4 college students in America is suicidal. Experts are pretty sure those are the same 1 in 4 college students in America who pay their own tuition.

Seat Belt Use
The U.S. government says seat belt use is at an all-time high. It's not because we're more safety-conscious, it's just that we're desperate to use anything that makes our stomachs look thinner.