Web Alert !! That web site, Kiwibox.com, for teen and college girls is listing more of my jokes in its latest edition. Here's the link: Kiwibox.com


Oprah's Surprise
Oprah Winfrey's decision to give her entire studio audience new cars in yesterday's season premiere is sure to keep her show in the news for a long time. That's because since the new cars were all Pontiacs, Oprah will need to give them all another new car in about 5 months.

Berserk Pitcher
Texas Rangers pitcher Frank Francisco angrily tossed a chair into the stands during last night's game against Oakland, injuring two fans. Team officials now have to decide whether to suspend him, turn him over to the cops, or they can choose the most severe punishment and trade him to the Mets.

Berserk Pitcher II
Texas Rangers pitcher Frank Francisco angrily tossed a chair into the stands during last night's game against the Oakland A's. Francisco was upset because the fans kept jeering him, and just wouldn't stop staring every time he tried to inject some extra steroids.

Kelley's New Book
The White House is attacking Kitty Kelley's new book about the Bush family, where she accuses President Bush of using cocaine. Republicans insist Kelley is a liar with no credibility... except when she writes nasty stuff about the Kennedy's.

Powell's Concerns
Secretary of State Colin Powell says he's concerned that Russian President Vladimir Putin's sweeping changes in response to terrorism are backing the country away from some recent democratic reforms. But Powell says he won't really be worried until Russia passes the Patriot Act.

Nevada Primary
Election officials in Nevada say the state's decision to go with electronic voting machines is a huge success with few glitches and a big turnout in today's primaries. But all that's really because most of the voters thought they were playing video poker.

School Begins
Thousands of New York City parents spent the first day of school yesterday trying to transfer their kids to better high schools where getting a degree will ensure them a job with an American company. Unfortunately, all those schools are in India.