Prison Smoking Ban
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is banning smoking in all California prisons. With no cigarettes, the only thing left for the prisoners to use as currency will be jugs of Vaseline.

Bush Stands Firm
President Bush says that he has no regrets about standing on the deck of an aircraft carrier last year with a sign behind him declaring "Mission Accomplished." But that's only because he's still really proud that he was able to spell it right.

Swiss Discovery
Swiss scientists have discovered what they believe is Europe's biggest fungus. Actually, American scientists found it 250 years ago and named it "France."

Dylan Admission
In his new autobiography, Bob Dylan admits he's often "hated and feared" the people who come to his home and follow him around on tour. But you won't need to buy his book for proof that Dylan dislikes his fans; for that you just have to listen to his last 3 albums.

CNN Producer Released
Palestinian kidnappers have finally released CNN producer Riad Ali. But there's still no word on whether they'll release Aaron Brown's favorite hairpiece in time for tonight's broadcast.

Reserve Desertion
A large number of soldiers being reactivated for duty in Iraq have not yet reported to their bases, prompting the Army to threaten some with punishment for desertion. Reservists who report a month late will be fined, those who delay for 3 months will face prison, and soldiers who don't report for a year or more will get the Republican nomination for president.