Tickets Returned
10 New Jersey kids are being called "heroic and kind" for returning dozens of Yankee playoff tickets they found on the street to their rightful owners. But ten other kids from Queens are being called even more heroic and kind for NOT returning to their owners dozens of Mets tickets they found in the trash can.

Scalia Clears it Up
A furious Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia says he was quoted out of context during a discussion on the legality of group sex, and in now way condones orgies. In a related story, a furious Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas wants to make it clear that tonight's orgy is still on for tonight at his house.