GREAT NEWS!! I was chosen as one of the "winners" of Saturday night's stand up comedy competition and will move into the next round of the Telepictures talent search! The next round is probably going to be in November, so stay tuned for info!

Vice Presidential Debate
The good news is that no matter who wins the election, Americans can rest easy. That's because during last night's debate, both Dick Cheney and John Edwards showed they can definitely put most of America to sleep.

Bush Reaction
After watching last night's impressive performance on TV, President Bush is changing his strategy for Friday night's debate... he's going to ask Minnesota Twins pitcher Johan Santana to go up against John Kerry instead.

Cheney 9/11
According to a new report, members of the 9/11 commission doubt Dick Cheney had received the authority from President Bush before Cheney issued the order to shoot down a commercial aircraft on September 11th. But President Bush now says that he would have given Cheney the authority to do so, but only if Cheney had told him it was okay first.

Paris a Racist?
Paris Hilton insists she is not discriminatory despite reports that a new tape shows her calling two Black men the "N" word. But experts are reminding the public that just because Hilton never discriminates about whom she sleeps with, it doesn't mean she's not a racist.

Howard Stern to Satellite
Shock Jock Howard Stern has announced he's moving his show to satellite radio. That means the first thing that alien life forms will learn about human biology is that we often fart.

Bush Threat
While speaking in Iowa, President Bush criticized John Kerry saying, "The policies of my opponent are dangerous for world peace." Of course what the President meant to say was that John Kerry's policies are dangerous because they might bring world peace.

Kerry Attack
While speaking about the merits of stem-cell research, John Kerry warned that George Bush favors "Extreme right-wing ideology" and special interest over science. The White House brushed off the attack, saying it's pretty clear to the American public that President Bush has never chosen science over anything in his whole life.

Jackson/Beatles Catalog
Michael Jackson may sell his share of the rights to the Beatles music catalog to Sony Music for an estimated 500 million dollars. Mostly because Jackson has found that most 6 year old boys these days have never even heard of the Beatles

Organ Removal Crime
Two Colorado hospitals are accused of homicide after removing a man's heart, liver, and kidneys before he was officially declared brain dead. The story is especially shocking because usually a living patient's vital organs are only removed by the insurance company.