NEWSDAY ALERT!!! I'm back in the "Punchlines" column of today's Newsday. Here's the link: Newsday


WHITEHOUSE.ORG ALERT!!! I have a never-before published satirical piece on the WhiteHouse.org Web site today. Please read it and use the e-mail link at the bottom to send it to your friends! Here's the link: WhiteHouse.org


Jobs Report
The Bush administration is taking credit for turning the economy around again, pointing to news that even the most unskilled and uneducated young men are getting high-paying jobs this week. But it turned out that was just the NBA draft.

Kerry Vote
John Kerry rushed back to the Senate yesterday for a vote, only to see the Republicans reschedule it for a later date. An angry Kerry remarked that it was the most time he's wasted since he dated a woman for a whole month and it turned out she only had $50 million.

Supreme Court Decision
Earlier today, the Supreme Court ruled 7-2 that Vice President Cheney does not have to turn over records of his secret energy task force meetings. Writing in a separate decision, Justice Scalia added that Cheney also doesn't have to turn over all the intimate pictures they took of each other during that hunting trip last year.