Paris and Nicole Hit the Road Again
Beginning tonight, Millions of Americans will watch two super-rich morons crisscross the Southern U.S., meeting new people and challenges along the way. And after the coverage of the Bush and Kerry campaigns is over, "The Simple Life 2" premieres on FOX.

Student Poll
A new poll shows 75% of American college students oppose a military draft. The other 25% are just hoping to move the frat party to Abu Ghraib Prison.

Alanis Engaged
Alanis Morissette and actor Ryan Reynolds are now engaged. The relationship should work out well for each of them: the mostly-unknown Reynolds will get some needed publicity, and Morissette gets a new asshole to write angry songs about.

Bolton Talk Show
Crooner Michael Bolton will host a daytime talk show beginning next year. The show is being touted as a vehicle for Bolton's many talents and a new tool for U.S. military interrogators to use at Abu Ghraib Prison.