Texas is Hot!
In the last two years, Texas has accounted for half of all the net payroll increases in the entire country, mostly because the oil companies need a lot more people to count their money.



Lend us $99 Billion
The U.S. Treasury is looking to borrow $99 billion in the next three days. It plans to avoid default by stretching the payments out over 30 years and giving the lenders a phony home phone number.




Goin' Postal
Today, the postal service will announce the fate of 3,600 post offices that could be closed... and to save money and time, that announcement will come via email.



Red Light Red Alert
Los Angeles has decided not to make people pay for red light camera tickets anymore. It turns out the city was making much more money selling the tabloids all the red light camera pictures Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen.



Football is Back!
The NFL lockout is now over... and to celebrate, the Texas Rangers and the Minnesota Twins played a football game instead of baseball. The Rangers won 20-6.






July 26th



1788: New York ratifies the United States Constitution and then tells it to, “go back to Jersey!”





1914: Serbia and Bulgaria interrupt diplomatic relationship, and decided to just consider themselves “friends with benefits.”





1947: President Harry S. Truman signs the National Security Act of 1947 creating the Central Intelligence Agency, the United States Department of Defense, and a really tough bouncer at the Copa Cabana.