Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Busy Signals
Congressional phone and internet lines are getting jammed this week. It's not clear if it's because voters want to sound off about the debt denate or because parents of teenage girls are trying to find out if they're in Congressman Henry Wu's office.

Immelt the Outsourcer
GE CEO Jeff Immelt remains the head of President Obama's jobs commission, even as his company announced it is about to ship more jobs to China. Americans will still be okay with Immelt as long as one of those of the things he outsources is MSNBC.

Winehouse Sales
Sales of Amy Winehouse's albums have been going through the roof since her death last weekend. In a related story, three record company executives have just been arrested for trying to kill Ashlee Simpson.

Still Losing
The Seattle Mariners have now lost 17 straight games. Naturally, the team's manager has just been named to the White House economic team.

MPG Demands
The major automakers have agreed to White House demands to get their average fuel efficiency to 55 MPG by 2025... and America's horse farmers have agreed to White House demands to start producing pretty unicorns by 2026.

July 27th

1789: The first U.S. federal government agency, the Department of Foreign Affairs, is established (it will be later renamed “Madame Susie’s Capitol Hill Brothel).

1953: The Korean War ends when the United States, the People's Republic of China, and North Korea sign an agreement to delay the war until M*A*S*H is released 17 years later.

1976: Former Japanese prime minister Kakuei Tanaka is arrested on suspicion of violating foreign exchange and foreign trade laws… after he is caught with 15,000 Hello Kitty purses in his garage.


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