Saturday, June 18, 2011

Maher Rips Christie
"Comedian" Bill Maher says New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is worse than Anthony Weiner because Christie is fat... which explains why Christie accidentally Tweets himself pictures of donuts 16 times a day.

Target Vote
Labor leaders are furious after 69% of workers at a Target on Long Island voted against forming a union... and the other 31% only voted for the union because they don't look good in red.

Holder Claim
Supporters of the U.S. military are furious after Attorney General Eric Holder said that lawyers are America's most effective anti-terror weapon! Everyone knows that lawyers are actually America's most effective weapon against fun.

Dodger Divorce Deal
Dodger owners Frank and Jamie McCourt have finally agreed on a divorce settlement. Frank gets the Dodger ticket proceeds, Jamie gets the merchandising revenues, and the pitching staff gets sent to foster care.

Monroe Dress
The dress that Marilyn Monroe wore in the "Seven Year Itch" that blew up while she stood over a subway grate sold at auction yesterday for $4.6 million. Of course, with union work rules, replacing a subway grate in New York City now costs $5.6 million.

June 20th

1214: The University of Oxford receives its charter, making it the second oldest school for higher learning in Britain after Hogwart's

1877: Alexander Graham Bell installs the world's first commercial telephone service in Canada... and as soon as someone from Canada is worth talking to, we'll see how good it works.

1963: The so-called "red telephone" is established between the Soviet Union and the United States following the Cuban Missile Crisis. President Kennedy uses it mostly to talk to Khruschev about how to pick up Russian chicks.


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