Sunday, June 12, 2011

Weiner Rehab
Congressman Anthony Weiner says he's going to rehab... which suspiciously costs the same amount as spend two weeks worth of private dances at Scores.

Jobs Summit
President Obama is going to hold a special jobs summit today to try to find out why private businesses aren't hiring more people. But it might have something to do with the fact that to pay for the summit, the White House is looking to raise business taxes by 240%.

Wall Street Donors?
The White House is actively courting Wall Street donors again despite calling them "fat cats." For the right price, the Obama team is willing to start calling them "feral cats" instead.

Big Debt
The US Treasury will have to borrow $600 billion in August alone... and that's just to cover the maintenance fees for Anthony Weiner's Internet account.

Bad Light
President Obama will visit an LED light factory in North Carolina today. The White House loves those blurry LED's because they make it harder for people to read all the bad economic news.

June 13th

1893: Grover Cleveland undergoes secret, successful surgery to remove a large, cancerous portion of his jaw... and thus becomes the first and only president to shut the Hell up.

1966: The Supreme Court rules in Miranda v. Arizona that the police must inform suspects of their rights before questioning them. But suspects still reserve the right to shoot at the cops first before saying anything.

1978: Israeli Defense Forces withdraw from Lebanon. Lebanon has been peaceful and wonderful ever since.


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