Sunday, June 05, 2011

DSK Arraignment
Dominique Strauss-Kahn goes to court today to formally answer the charges against him. The custodial staff at the court house has been put in protective custody.

No Weiner
Embattled Congressman Anthony Weiner ducked out of the Celebrate Israel Parade in New York yesterday. Instead, he Tweeted pictures to all his Jewish voters proving he was circumcised.

iCloud Announcement
Today's a big day for Apple with Steve Jobs set to personally introduce the new iCloud service. But most of America can't wait to see just how much weight he's lost this month in his super-popular "failing pancreas and liver diet."

Wind Killers
It turns out 67 protected golden eagles are dying every year because of wind turbines in California. That's almost as many birds that die every month from the smoky emissions coming out of Charlie Sheen's house.

New Drug
Pfizer has a new drug that fights lung cancer. It's a pill that makes you smart enough not to waste $11 on one lousy pack of cigarettes.

June 6th

1644: The Qing Dynasty Manchu forces led by the Shunzhi Emperor capture Beijing during the collapse of the Ming Dynasty... forcing the reprinting of all restaurant menus across the city.

1939: Judge Joseph Force Crater is declared legally dead... he remains illegally alive for another five years.

2005: The United States Supreme Court upholds a federal law banning marijuana... mostly in hopes of getting Woody Harrelson to leave the country.


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