Slots in Illinois
Illinois has approved putting slot machines at O'Hare and Midway airports... because travelling through those airports isn't enough of a gamble as it is.



Another Maid Attacked
Now a wealthy Egyptian businessman has been accused of sexually attacking a housekeeper in a New York City hotel room. Something tells me international sales of the sexy maid costume this Halloween are going to be through the roof!



Cyberwars
Pentagon now says cyberattacks coming from foreign countries may be considered as an act of war... so are defense contractors who run late on their projects because they're too busy playing "Angry Birds."



Squeezing Hospitals
The Feds are going to start punishing hospitals that don't keep their Medicare costs down... thus, providing yet another incentive for the growing "bring your own bedpan" policy.



Tressel Out
Ohio State head football coach Jim Tressel has stepped down... it's not clear if the school forced Tressel out because he broke the rules or because he didn't break the rules enough.





May 31st


1279 BC: Rameses II becomes pharaoh of Ancient Egypt. He vows to keep the Jews as slaves until they return to the 1267 borders.


1759: The Province of Pennsylvania bans all theater productions... saving its citizens from Cats.


2005: Vanity Fair reveals that Mark Felt was Deep Throat... totally freaking out millions of porn fans.