Apple Earnings
Apple's earnings doubled in the first three months of this year... mostly because it's now cheaper to buy an iPhone than to fill up your SUV.



Obama Speech
President Obama told a crowd of supporters last night that he's tired of making compromises... but he should probably stay married to Michele until after he's re-elected.



iPhone Tracking
It turns out the iPhone includes technology that tracks users' locations and saves every detail to a secret file. For Americans, this will finally help us figure out how many times we've been to the IHOP.



Dodgers Takeover
Major League Baseball is taking over the L.A. Dodgers. Commissioner Bud Selig will now approve trades, player signings, and what part of the 7th inning when fans at Dodger Stadium can start trying to beat the traffic.



Iraq Power
The good news is Iraq's electricity capacity has now exceeded prewar levels. The bad news is they're sending us the bill.




April 21st


1509: Henry VIII ascends the throne of England, divorce attorneys rejoice.


1792: Tiradentes, a revolutionary leading a movement for Brazil's independence, is hanged, drawn and quartered… but that was just because he wouldn’t samba at Carnival.


1963: The Universal House of Justice of the Bahá'í Faith is founded. It immediately clashes with the Hall of Justice and the Superfriends.