Thursday, April 14, 2011

Fuzzy Math
President Obama used some faulty math to claim bigger cuts in his budget speech yesterday. But since he's also still supporting unionized teachers, it's not likely too many people in America will know enough math to notice.

More Jobs!
The good news is businesses in February posted the largest number of job openings in more than two years. The bad news is all the want ads are asking for new dance instructors for Kirstie Alley.

Kobe Fined
Kobe Bryant has been fined a whopping $100,000 for using an anti-gay slur against a referee. The ref is just happy Kobe didn't rape him.

Slowing the Trains
China is slowing down the speeds of its bullet trains... mostly because everyone on those trains is weighed down with all of America's money.

Medicare Squeeze
President Obama is calling for stricter price controls on Medicare. Which means granny will now have to make a bigger copay when she visits Dr. Kevorkian.

April 14th

70: Titus surrounds Jerusalem with four Roman legions. Jews vow to hold him off until they run out of lox spread.

1775: The first abolition society in North America is established under the name of The Society for the Relief of Free Negroes Unlawfully Held in Bondage. It is followed by the founding of another organization, “White People with No Idea how to make Brief Titles.

2005: The Oregon Supreme Court nullifies marriage licenses issued to gay couples forcing all them to give back their gifts from Pink.


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