New Planets
Astronomers at NASA now have the first pictures of four newly discovered planets outside our solar system. They were finally able to get the pictures after telling the paparazzi that Angelina Jolie and Britney Spears had left the galaxy.



Bin Laden Status
The CIA says Osama bin Laden is now isolated spending much of his energy merely surviving. Oh no wait, that's actually what the CIA says about General Motors.



Carmaker Lobbying
Senator Christopher Dodd is trying to drum up support for a bailout for the American auto industry. But the lobbying is hitting a snag because Dodd is stuck waiting for his Caddy to get out of the repair shop.