Palin Pregnancy
Sarah Palin's 17-year-old daughter is pregnant. Just to prove he is still young a virile, John McCain is claiming to be the father.

Palin Pregnancy II
Sarah Palin's 17-year-old daughter is pregnant. John Edwards is refusing to take a paternity test.



Downgraded Storm
Hurricane Gustav has been downgraded to a troical depression... mostly because ever since it hit landfall in the United States, it hasn't been able to afford its prescription for Prozac.



New Orleans Situation
New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin is urging evacuated residents not to return to their homes yet, because the situation is still dangerous. It won't truly be safe until all the feuding MSNBC anchors finally leave town.



Telethon Tally
The Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon raised a record $65 million... so Jerry should finally be able to afford some new jokes.



UCLA Stunner
Heavily favored Tennessee was stunned by UCLA last night in 27-24 overtime loss. Tennessee's coaches blasted the players, saying if they're going to perform this badly they might as well let them go to class.