Clinton Promise
Former President Bill Clinton now says he is willing to do whatever he can to help Barack Obama become president… so the Obama team is asking him to campaign for John McCain.



Pregnancy Pact
Several girls at a Massachusetts high school have joined a "pregnancy pact," deciding to deliberately get pregnant at the same time. Man, what some kids won't do to get out of gym class.



Cleveland Clinic Evacuations
A natural gas leak on the campus of the Cleveland Clinic has resulted in mass evacuations. But the patients are having trouble winding their way through the massive crowds rushing toward the hospital trying to grab free gas.




Pirate Attack
Officials say pirates have kidnapped three Germans and a French citizen off the coast of Somalia. It's the 17th such attack since Disneyland made those Pirates of the Caribbean layoffs last month.



Palestinian Rocket Attack
Two rockets were fired into Israel from the Gaza Strip this morning, ending the cease fire agreement that went into effect on Friday. The news shocked experts who can't believe the cease fire lasted this long.



Iranian Threat
Iranian military commanders are promising a "severe response" if Iran is attacked by the U.S. or Israel. The first thing they're going to do is get boots that don't make everyone laugh at them so much.

Iranian military commanders are promising a "severe response" if Iran is attacked by the U.S. or Israel. And that response will be: "HELP!!!"

Iranian military commanders are promising a "severe response" if Iran is attacked by the U.S. or Israel. By "severe response" they mean whining to the U.N. a little louder than usual.