Willie Fired
The Mets fired manager Willie Randolph just after 3AM Tuesday. The team chose that time to accommodate most Mets fans who haven't been able to sleep since last September anyway.




Sir William
Queen Elizabeth made Prince William a Knight of the Garter last night. Gee, I wonder who he had to know to get that deal!

Queen Elizabeth made Prince William a Knight of the Garter last night. It's the least she could do after making him dress like that for the entire evening.



Gore Backs Obama
Al Gore has decided to endorse Barack Obama for president. His second choice was a solar-powered garbage disposal.



Sex Offender Nabbed
The good news is U.S. Marshals caught a repeated sex offender after a highway chase in Georgia with speeds sometimes exceeding 95 mph. The bad news is they spent so much on gas the government can no longer afford to prosecute him.



Killer Couple
A couple accused of killing their 13-year-old son by tying him to a tree will face charges of murder and felony child abuse... if their lucky enough to avoid being lynched by local environmental groups for possibly damaging the tree.