Gitmo Prisoners Rights
The Supreme Court has just ruled that foreign inmates at Guantanamo Bay can hire lawyers and sue the federal government. And in a move to boost the economy, the court also ruled that the inmates have the right to buy foreclosed homes in Cleveland.



Lehman Firings
Lehman Brothers is replacing two of its top executives a day after admitting a $2.8 billion loss. The firm is now looking for replacements with prior experience in shutting off the lights and helping everyone pack up their desks.



Fossett Search Back On
Nevada officials say they've resumed the hunt for multimillionaire Steve Fossett now that snow has melted in the mountains where he may have crashed. Well that sounds better than the real reason: it took them six months to save up enough to gas up the rescue vehicles.



Chavez on Oil
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez says oil should be trading at $100 per barrel instead of the current $135 per barrel... mostly because he'd like Americans to suffer a slower death.



Citi's Moves
Citigroup is shutting down CEO Vikram Pandit's personal hedge fund. With Citi's massive losses it was either that or take away Pandit's key to the executive washroom, and Pandit chose to give up the one with the most crap.