Britney Adoption?
Britney Spears is looking to adopt a baby from China. But in an embarassing moment, she asked the agency to send her a kid with "no MSG."


Lott Quitting
Senator Trent Lott is expected to announce his resignation today. Insiders believe this has something to do with the rising cost of men's hairspray.


Grace's Good News
Nancy Grace's premature twins are finally out of the hospital... but she's actually much happier about the arrests in the Natalee Hollway case.


Musharraf's Move
Pakistani President Gen. Pervez Musharraf will indeed quit as head of the army and take the oath of office for a third term later this week. This is a bad move; ditching the army is how you become President of the United States not Pakistan!


Thompson Tax Plan
Republican presidential hopeful Fred Thompson is proposing an income tax plan that would allow Americans to choose a simplified system with only two rates: 10% and 25%. Of course, the current 0% rate for major campaign donors will remain in effect regardless.



Elder Sex
A series of "safe sex" seminars are being offered across the country for people over 50. Attendees get a kit including 1 condom, 2 tablets of Viagra, and 6 tubs of Ben-Gay.