BREAKING NEWS!!!


Pardoned Turkeys
In the 24 hours since President Bush pardoned Thanksgiving turkeys "May", and "Flower", police say the birds have gone on a six-state crime spree. Anyone who sees the turkeys is asked not to try to apprehend them, but you should keep a serving of cranberry sauce at the ready just in case.



Green Christmas
Organizers are hailing this year's Rockefeller Christmas tree as "enviro-friendly" because it's being decorated with energy efficient lights... that's kind of like being proud that you harpooned a whale from a solar-powered boat.



Walking Off
The plastic surgeon who operated on hip-hop star Kanye West's mother the day before she died walked off the set of CNN's "Larry King Live" last night... mostly because Larry kept calling him "Ringo."


Walking Off II
The plastic surgeon who operated on hip-hop star Kanye West's mother the day before she died walked off the set of CNN's "Larry King Live" last night. He just couldn't miss the latest episode of "Nip/Tuck."



Chinese Orphans
The number of American couples being allowed to adopt Chinese babies is dropping sharply. The Chinese government needs those kids for lead-paint product testing.



Sex in SF
San Francisco supervisors voted down a measure that would have prohibited city managers from "engaging in romantic or sexual relationships" with employees. They also voted down a law that would have prohibited city managers from continuing to engage in wishful thinking.




Musharraf Standing Down
Pakistani President Gen. Pervez Musharraf could quit the army as early as Saturday. It was either that, or keep living with that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" thing.