NEWSDAY ALERT!! I'm back in today's "Punchlines" column in Newsday and Newsday.com! Here's the link: Newsday


Boston Stunt
Two men have been arrested in connection with Wednesday's "guerilla marketing" scare in Boston. The Cartoon Network is apologizing for the incident, explaining that it wanted to hire more responsible people for the job, but Cheech and Chong were unavailable.


Boston Stunt II
The two men arrested for the "guerilla marketing" scare in Boston spent most of their news conference Thursday making jokes. However, they did have one serious moment when they openly complained about how the Cartoon Network health plan makes them cough up a $30 co-pay for medicinal marijuana.


Top 5 Signs You've Hired the Wrong Guys for Your Ad Campaign

5) They insist on being paid with Taco Bell gift certificates

4) They ask you not to call their office before 10PM

3) All their advertising proposals smell like incense

2) Their other job is PR directors for the Joe Biden campaign

1) When you say "guerilla marketing" they ask why you're trying to sell apes



Newsom Admission
San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom has admitted to having an affair with his campaign manager's wife. Wow... he really IS against heterosexual marriage.


Newsom Admission II
Newsom says he will now turn his attention to "working aggressively to advance his serious goals"... which include sleeping with every other woman in the city.



Oscar Writers
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is offering the services of three writers to help Oscar nominees with their speeches... they've just been fired from the Joe Biden campaign.



Big Baby
A woman in Cancun gave birth this week to a 14.5 pound baby boy... giving a whole new meaning to the term: "Spring Break."