State of the Union


President Bush delivered the State of the Union address Tuesday night. To provide the correct balance, the Democratic rebuttal was delivered by somebody sane.


Bush Approval
As he delivered his State of the Union address Tuesday night, President Bush's approval ratings were at an all-time low. The only person on TV who's less popular right now is the weatherman.






Gas Consumption
During the State of the Union address, President Bush called for a 20% reduction on American gasoline consumption by 2017. This is actually the President's way of letting the oil companies know they need to make bigger campaign donations.






Other Goals
On other topics, Bush proposed a balanced federal budget by 2012 and for members of Congress to cut pet projects from spending bills. Then he proposed a tax cut for sugar plum fairies.








Katsav Indictment
Israel's attorney general plans to indict the country's president, Moshe Katsav, on charges of rape and other sexual offenses. Affidavits in the case show that Katsav was able to put most of his victims at ease by assuring them that his unwanted advances were "just ceremonial."






GAP CEO Fired
Despite years of poor sales and stock performance, newly-fired GAP CEO Paul Pressler is getting a $14 million severance package. I wonder how many sweaters an employee has to fold at the GAP before you can earn $14 million?




Macao #1
The city of Macao, just 64 miles west of Hong Kong, has surpassed Las Vegas to become the world’s biggest gambling center. Does this mean we can outsource Celine Dion to China?




Pensions Lost
The House has passed a bill stripping pension benefits from several former Congressmen convicted of felonies. Meanwhile, the current Congressmen committing felonies got a pay raise.