More Nicotine
Research shows the big tobacco companies have boosted the amount of nicotine in cigarettes. And that's what makes smoking so addictive these days... it's just such a good value!





iPods in Canada
A new economic study shows that the cheapest place to buy an iPod is in Canada. Clearly, Canada is trying to cut down on the two biggest expenses for elderly Americans; prescription drugs and gifts for their grandchildren.









Senate Resolution
A bipartisan group of senators has introduced a non-binding resolution of opposition to President Bush's buildup of troops in Iraq. There's another word for something that opposes President Bush but has no real effect: The Democratic Party.






BlackBerry Stress
A spa in New York is offering the "BlackBerry Thumb Massage", which releases stress in the thumbs and the neck for people who frequently use the device. Of course, the best way to relieve stress for everyone else is to find someone who frequently uses a BlackBerry and punch him in the face.








Moon's Promise
In a visit to Congress, the new UN Secretary-General Ban Ki Moon said the UN will be reformed and "reborn" under new leadership. That promise would have been a little more believable if Moon hadn't been double-parked at the time.





Libby Trial
Seating jurors in the Scooter Libby trial has become difficult as almost everyone in the jury pool has very negative opinions of the Bush Administration. To find 12 impartial jurors, defense attorneys are asking to move the trial... to Saturn.









New Rules
The Pentagon has drafted a manual for upcoming detainee trials that would allow suspected terrorists to be convicted on hearsay evidence and coerced testimony. But I thought we only used that kind of evidence to go to war.





Student Loan Interest
The House has voted to cut interest rates on student loans. This is great news... now I'll only have to live to 135 to pay them off!