Hillary's In!
Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton officially announced her candidacy for president Saturday... saddening thousands of journalists who realize she has no more dirty laundry to discover.

Hillary's In II
Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton officially announced her candidacy for president Saturday. Clinton says she made the announcement to coincide with the end of her trip to Iraq, where she got an idea of how she'll be treated by FOX News during the campaign.

Hillary's In III
Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton officially announced her candidacy for president Saturday. It's good she's finally decided to run; now all she needs to do is decide where she supports or opposes the war in Iraq.

Top 5 Reasons Hillary Clinton is Running for President

5) Who can afford those property taxes in Chappaqua?

4) She's pretty sure she left her good pair of earrings somewhere in the Lincoln Bedroom

3) It's not like she could possibly screw up worse than the last two guys in the White House

2) Running for the Democratic nomination is the best way to stalk Barack Obama without anyone noticing

1) Someone needs to pardon Bill



Doomsday Clock
A group of scientists has just advanced the "Doomsday Clock" to five minutes to midnight. The White House plans to remain in extreme readiness mode at least until this summer when we turn the clocks back an hour for daylight savings.