Kerry Out
Senator John Kerry announced Wednesday that he will not join the campaign for president in 2008. That's good, because he didn't really campaign for president in 2004 either.


Kerry says he's not running for president so he can focus his time on more important matters... like learning how to tell a joke.






Hillary's Strategy
Political insiders say Hillary Clinton will use many of the same campaign techniques her husband Bill used to win over voters. Except in her case, she won't be trying to sleep with them.





Internet Threat
Chinese Communist Party chief Hu Jintao has vowed to "purify" the Web. How surprised he'll be when he finds he can't run over the Internet with a tank.






Washington's Apology
Grey's Anatomy star Isaiah Washington says he has entered a "treatment facility" to deal with whatever caused his use of a homophobic slur on the set. And by "treatment facility," he means he's going to the bank to see all the money he's going to lose if he gets kicked off a hit show.









Phony Reporter
A New York Mets fan who posed as a reporter to meet players pleaded guilty and won't be going to jail. But he will be sent to cover the Kansas City Royals, who have been posing as a professional baseball team for 12 years.







Merkel at Davos
German Prime Minister Angela Merkel used the keynote address at the ongoing Davos business conference to warn against isolationism... at least that's what I think she said; I couldn't get past the armed guards surrounding the meeting hall.