Sunday, January 28, 2007


As usual, I'll be doing some of my material live on the John Lightning Radio Show, (that's a picture of him at his real job on the Metro North Railroad), at 9pm Eastern Time. To find out how you can listen, click here: Johnny Lightning

Key Verses in the Revised & Updated Book of Exodus

10) "The children of Israel were fruitful and swarmed the land, so Egypt started giving out free condoms in public schools"

9) "A wicked new king arose over Egypt who did not know Joseph, and never even heard of AIPAC."

8) "And Pharoah enslaved the Hebrews, mostly because he couldn't find any cheap illegal immigrants."

7) " Moses was taken from his basket in the Nile, and adopted by Angelina Jolie."

6) "Then Moses saw an Egyptian taskmaster striking a Hebrew slave, so he called Amnesty International."

5) "Moses married the Cushite woman Zipporah, giving his mother an instant heart attack."

4) "The children of Israel cried out to God in their enslavement, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, and the union labor contract he signed in 2387 BCE."

3) "Behold the bush was burning with fire, but it was not consumed, so Moses figured it was one of those cheap plastic Christmas trees."

2) "And the Lord told Moses to remove his shoes, for He had just vacuumed."

1) "And Moses said: '"I beseech You, O Lord. I am not a man of words.' So God sent him the publicist Howard Rubenstein."


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