Beirut U. Riots Over
Relative calm has returned to Beirut after violent protests in and around Beirut University. In the Middle East, people carrying guns and explosives are called "university students," and in the U.S. people carrying guns and explosives are called "junior high school students."





College Attack
About 10 football players at a Quaker college in North Carolina are accused of badly beating three Palestinian students last weekend. The cops are baffled, and even the world's Arab groups can't figure out how blame this one on the Jews.





Hillary Grilled
During her first presidential campaign visit to Iowa this weekend, Hillary Clinton called on President Bush to withdraw from Iraq by 2009. But to win the election, she's going to need Bill Clinton to withdraw from all other women by 2008.




Little's Big Gig
Comedian Rich Little will headline the White House Correspondents dinner this year. Insiders say he was hired because the organizers didn't want someone making fun of President Bush, and that's guaranteed since Little hasn't been funny since Ronald Reagan was in the White House.