Clinton on Geffen
Hillary Clinton's campaign staff says Barack Obama should cut ties with Dreamworks co-founder David Geffen, after he said that Senator Clinton was "ambitious" and "polarizing." The Clinton campaign just doesn't think any Democrat should be affiliated with people who tell the truth.


KFed's Concern
In the wake of Britney Spears' recent erratic behavior, Kevin Federline says he's very concerned about the welfare of his children... but not as concerned as he is about the welfare of all the porn tapes he left at Britney's house.



Iran Nukes
New reports show that Iran is expanding its nuclear program. Insiders say the Iranians are not trying to build weapons that kill not just Jews, but Christians too.



Don't Mess with Granny
A tour group of U.S. senior citizens fought off a band of muggers in eastern Costa Rica Thursday, sending two of the assailants fleeing and killing a third. This is what happens these days when you try to take prescription drugs away from the elderly.


Porn Vigilante
A Milwaukee man he broke into an apartment with a cavalry sword because he thought he heard a woman being raped, but the sound actually was from a porn movie his neighbor was watching. Police say the man immediately apologized, and then asked to borrow the movie for the weekend.


Bless This Fish
Kentucky Fried Chicken is asking the Catholic Church to give its blessing to a new fish sandwich the chain is now offering. But the Vatican is declining the request, as its recent sex scandals have made it unwise to associate with anything known for being "Finger-Licking Good."