Pinochet Dead
Chile's former dictator Augusto Pinochet has died at the age of 91. With his reputation for torturing and killing thousands of his own people, he was a constant target of human rights groups, and a role model for Dick Cheney.









Obama's Draw
Senator Barack Obama drew huge crowds in New Hampshire as he toured the state this weekend... not because they want to meet a possible future president, but because most of the people in New Hampshire have never seen a black person.





Taco Bell Cleared
The good news is 99.9% of all food at Taco Bell has tested negative for E. coli. The bad news is that 100% of the meat is still testing positive for cat.






Jefferson Wins
Despite overwhelming evidence that he took bribes, Louisiana Congressman William Jefferson easily defeated his fellow Democratic opponent in a runoff election this weekend. With the Democrats about to take control of Congress, Jefferson's constituents decided it was only fair to give him a chance to collect some REAL money.






Death Row Numbers
A new study shows that fewer prison inmates moved to death row in 2005 than in the year before. Well, with real estate prices this high, no one can really afford to move anywhere.







U.S. Blasted
Iraq's president is calling the U.S.-led training of his country's security forces a failure. He's most angry that no one has taught them how to kill Jews.