Rumsfeld Reversal
Classified memos now show that outgoing Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld favors substantial troop pullouts from Iraq. That's because Rumsfeld knows he'll need about 100,000 armed soldiers to protect him when he goes back into civilian life.






Dire Predictions
Supporters of the Iraq war point out that a U.S. troop withdrawal will cause more sectarian violence and a government collapse... and that's nothing compared to what would happen in Iraq.





Hillary Asks Around
Senator Hillary Clinton is now actively asking fellow lawmakers for their advice as she considers a run for the White House in 2008. This, after she finally got the "go-ahead" from most of the nation's mental patients.






Russia Wins Davis Cup
Led by Marat Safin, Russia won tennis' Davis Cup Sunday over Argentina. Safin used a mixture of powerful serves, cutting ground strokes, and 30-40 tennis balls laced with polonium.






Investigation Widens
In the wake of the Alexander Litvinenko poisoning, British counterterrorism officers are planning to fly to Moscow to investigate the case further. There they will interview witnesses, look for physical evidence, and try not to eat anything for 7-8 days.








Chavez Ahead
Hugo Chavez leads in the early poll results and is expected to win re-election as president of Venezuela. That gives the U.S. six more years to try to assassinate him.





Pfizer Failure
Pfizer will abandon its new blockbuster cholesterol drug because of the high number of patients who died during trials. Pfizer was caught off-guard by the news, since the drug company is really only prepared for the deaths of the people who can't afford their drugs... not the ones who get them for free.