Wiggles Breaking Up
"Yellow Wiggle," Greg Page is reportedly leaving the popular children's music group "The Wiggles" because of a recurring illness. Most of the world's kids are taking the news relatively well, but no one has yet had the guts to tell President Bush.















Powell Calls it a Civil War
Former Secretary of State Colin Powell says it's time for the Bush administration to recognize that Iraq is in civil war. Unfortunately, the Bush administration doesn't even recognize Colin Powell.



Frist Drops Out
Outgoing Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist is dropping out of the 2008 presidential race. Frist is looking forward to using his spare time for more insider trading.












Pregnant Virgin
The 16-year-old actress who plays the Virgin Mary in the new movie The Nativity is pregnant. Leading Democrats are now calling for free condom distribution on the sets of all Christian movies.


Pregnant Virgin II
The 16-year-old actress who plays the Virgin Mary in the new movie The Nativity is now pregnant. Apparently, her performance was so good, even God thought she was the real thing!


Pregnant Virgin III
The 16-year-old actress who plays the Virgin Mary in the new movie The Nativity is now pregnant. I knew they shouldn't have let R. Kelly do the soundtrack!

Pregnant Virgin IV
16-year-old actress Keisha Castle-Hughes, who starred in the film Whale Rider, is pregnant. Well, now we know it must have been a sperm whale.






Bush on Iraq
President Bush denies that Iraq is in a civil war, saying that the country is going through a vicious cycle of revenge attacks and vendettas. You know, just like Congress.

Iraq Blame
More and more White House officials and U.S. generals are blaming the continued violence and destruction in Iraq on the Iraqis themselves. Well, that's what they get for letting us invade their country.




Pope Gets Lectured
Pope Benedict XVI met with Turkey's top Muslim cleric Tuesday, who lectured him on the why "Islamaphobia" is so unfair and dangerous... then he tried to behead him.




Holy Site
On Wednesday Pope Benedict XVI conducted an open-air Mass in Turkey next to a house where the Virgin Mary is thought to have spent her last years. Then a group of Muslim protesters burned it down.




Best Pals
Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and Lindsay Lohan have been seen partying together this week. So if they let Lohan do the driving, all of our prayers could soon be answered!


























Chess Doping?
The World Chess Federation is introducing new dope testing at its events... not for the contestants, but for the spectators.