Splitsville
Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson are getting a divorce after just four months of marriage. Publicists say Rock and Pam just could not agree on who should wear the couple's one and only shirt.



Transgender Actor
ABC's All My Children this week will introduce a transgender character who is making the transition from a man into a woman. Of course the fastest and easiest way for a man to turn into a woman is to watch "All My Children."



Mayor's Take
Mayor Bloomberg says it's "unacceptable" that police fired 50 shots and killed an unarmed man after his vehicle slammed into a car filled with undercover cops. Of course if the victim had hit a car filled with civilians in New York, they would have shot him 60 times.



Bush Library
President Bush is hoping to raise $500 million to build his presidential library. That'll be $100 million for the books and the building, and $400 million to erase all the evidence of war crimes.



Yoko's Plea
Yoko Ono put out an ad in the Sunday New York Times urging readers to mark the anniversary of John Lennon's death by apologizing to those who have suffered from war. But Ono still hasn't apologized to those who have suffered through her concerts.



Paris and Britney
For the third night in a row, Britney Spears was seen out partying with Paris Hilton. By pooling their intelligence, the two were actually able to drive a car, eat food, and walk upright.



"N" Word Pledge
Following Michael Richards' tirade, black leaders are demanding that all entertainers, black and white, stop using the "N" word. As a result, all rap songs will now be only 30 seconds long.