Top 5 Shocking Passages in O.J. Simpson's "If I Did It" Book

5) "I figured I do this book and then maybe Kato Kaelin will stop bothering me"

4) "Let me make this up to America; give me my knife back and send me to Iraq"

3) "I'll do the same to anyone who cuts in front of me on the line for PlayStation3"

2) "I killed Ron Goldman because he was a UCLA fan"

1) "I'm currently dating a black woman"

Murtha Loses
Congressman John Murtha lost in his bid to become the new House Majority Leader. He is now calling for an immediate pullout from Nancy Pelosi.

Vatican Celibacy
The Vatican has decided not to change its celibacy requirement for priests. The news sent Rogaine and "Just For Men" shares plummeting on Wall Street.

Child Protection Network
U.S. agents are joining authorities in Canada, Britain, and Australia to form a global police unit that will help find child molesters. Most of the agents will be stationed on Capitol Hill.

Endurance Drug
Reports show the new drug Resveratrol doubles a person's physical endurance... so if men take it along with Viagra, they'll probably last six minutes instead of three.

Madonna Adoptions
Madonna says she wants to adopt another baby from Malawi and will give her two children, Lourdes and Rocco, a "choice" in selecting their new sister. Too bad they didn't have a choice in selecting a mother.

Emmitt Wins
Former NFL star Emmitt Smith won "Dancing With the Stars" Wednesday night. He will never be allowed to play football again.