TomKat Wedding
Even though their lavish ceremony and reception was held in Italy, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were legally married in Los Angeles earlier this week. Apparently, even the Italians have a limited tolerance for bull crap.

Top 5 Surprising Things Guests at the Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes Wedding Found in their Gift Baskets

5) Autographed copies of O.J. Simpson's "If I Did It" book

4) Jewel-encrusted barf bags for flight back on John Travolta's plane

3) 18-DVD "History of Psychiatry" set

2) A small note from Katie that said: "Help me! Please, help me!"

1) A six-month prescription for Prozac

Kissinger on Iraq
Henry Kissinger now says a clear military and political victory in Iraq is impossible. But this is coming from a man who now considers being able to use the toilet a clear victory.

Gas Prices Higher
Gasoline prices are going back up across the country. With the Democrats taking control of Congress, the oil companies need to raise money for their legal defense fund.

McNabb Out
Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb is out for the rest of the season after tearing his ACL Sunday. He'll begin rehab immediately with his mother pouring Chunky Soup on his knee three times a day.

Human Shields
Hundreds of Palestinians in Gaza are surrounding the houses of leading terrorists to act as human shields against Israeli air strikes. Well, as long as they have their priorities straight.