Radiation Poisoning
More evidence is connecting the Russian government to the deadly radiation poisoning of former KGB agent Alexander Litvinenko. The Kremlin denies any involvement, but says none of this would have happened if the West would just allow it to sell more radioactive materials to Iran.


Top 5 Signs You're Being Poisoned by the Kremlin

5) Some Iranian guy keeps offering you $50,000 for your urine

4) British Airways stewardesses keep insisting on seating you in first class... right next to the microwave oven

3) The bag of pierogies in your freezer is glowing in the dark

2) Every time you sneeze you set off a small nuclear explosion

1) You ate a British restaurant... and the food tasted good!







White House Explanation
The White House is denying that Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri Kamal al-Maliki backed out of meeting with President Bush because of a White House memo that says he doesn't have control of the country. Actually, Maliki didn't come because the meeting was scheduled during peak car bombing hours.





DeVito Drunk?
Danny DeVito told bawdy jokes and slurred his speech repeatedly during his appearance on The View Wednesday. Apparently, getting drunk isn't just the best way to watch The View... it the best way to endure being a guest too.






Rogue Whale
A killer whale that dragged a trainer underwater during a show at SeaWorld Adventure Park this week may be allowed to perform again despite past incidents. Park officials cited the whale's true remorse, and the fact that he's hired Howard Rubenstein as his publicist.