Kerry Cancels
Senator John Kerry canceled all his public appearances today. It's not clear if it was because of the controversy over his joke about U.S. soldiers getting stuck in Iraq, or because Wednesday is the day he collects his allowance from Teresa.

Kerry Cancels II
Senator John Kerry canceled all his public appearances today. It's not clear if it was because of the controversy over his joke about U.S. soldiers getting stuck in Iraq, or because Wednesday is Botox day.

Bush Demand
President Bush says John Kerry should apologize for insulting American troops with his joke about getting "stuck in Iraq." Senator Kerry says he will as soon as President Bush apologizes for getting so many of them killed.

Bush Demand II
President Bush says John Kerry should apologize for insulting American soldiers with his joke about getting "stuck in Iraq." But most U.S. troops would rather Kerry apologize for keeping them stuck in Iraq by not winning the 2004 election.

Top 5 Worst Political Jokes of All Time

5) Border Security

4) Alan Keyes

3) House Ethics Committee

2) Campaign Finance Reform

1) The IRS

Trump Cited
Palm Beach officials have cited Donald Trump for hoisting a large American flag atop an 80-foot pole at his lavish Mar-a-Lago estate and club. The city has clear rules against large displays, tall structures, and men who are overcompensating.

Iran Travel Incentives
Iran will offer cash incentives to travel agencies to encourage American and other Western tourists to visit the country. The tourism department will pay agents $10 for every European, $20 for every American, and $20 million for every disgruntled physicist from Los Alamos.

Mice and Wine
A new scientific study shows that red wine helps obese mice stay healthy. More importantly, it also helps them get laid.