Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Secret Prisons
President Bush has finally admitted to the use of secret CIA prisons hold top terror suspects, but he says they have all now been transferred to Guantanamo. Apparently, the prisoners used all their bonus terrorist reward points to get the upgrade.

Secret Prisons II
President Bush has for the first time acknowledged the use of secret CIA prisons in Europe to hold top terror suspects. Civil rights activists and European leftists are furious over the news, but not as much as the people at Halliburton who never got to build the prisons and overcharge the government for them.

Top 5 Signs You're Being Held in a Secret CIA Prison in Europe

5)The prison was completely shut down during the World Cup

4) Your cell block doesn't have a shower, but every prisoner has his own toilet and bidet

3) All the European guards keep offering to help you escape

2) Every time CIA agents subjected you electroshock torture, they had to use a wall adapter

1) It's better than the way everyone still lives in your home country

Jeffs Hearing
Alleged polygamist Warren Jeffs appeared before a Utah judge Wednesday for a scheduling hearing. But the proceedings were delayed several times as Jeffs kept asking the judge to marry him.

Jeffs Defenders
Jeffs followers keep insisting he is a "true prophet." But any man willing to be married to more than four women at once is really just a martyr.

Air Force Officer Missing
A U.S. Air Force officer is missing after a trip to a shopping mall in the Kyrgyzstan mall. She was last seen walking with Kyrgyz's only living vowel.


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