Karr Cleared
Thanks to DNA evidence, it is now clear that John Mark Karr did not murder JonBenet Ramsey or ever even know her. This makes Karr the pedophile world's equivalent of the high school loser who claims to have slept with the head cheerleader.

Karr Cleared II
Experts say Karr boasted about killing JonBenet to fulfill a sick pedophilia-based fantasy that he really knew her. Okay, that explains Karr, but what's CNN's excuse?

Karr Cleared III
Karr still could face child pornography charges... as should every news media outlet that's overblown this story for the past two weeks.

Karr Cleared IV
Thanks to DNA evidence, it is now clear that John Mark Karr did not murder JonBenet Ramsey or ever even know her. But now Karr would like to take responsibility for every crime Michael Jackson's been accused of since 1993.

Church and State Lie
Rep. Katherine Harris told a religious newspaper in Florida that the "separation of Church and state in America is a lie." And she ought to know, because when she let George W. Bush win Florida in 2000, she made a personal deal with Satan.

Obama Welcomed
As he visits his father's homeland, Kenyans are greeting Illinois Senator Barak Obama with open arms. It's all part of an ancient African tradition of honoring future failed Democratic Vice Presidential nominees.

Mason Sues Jews for Jesus
Jackie Mason has filed a lawsuit against "Jews for Jesus" for using his name and likeness to recruit new members in a pamphlet. Mason would have a good case if it weren't for the fact that most Jews are more tired of his act than they are of "Jews for Jesus."

Raiders Sign George
The Oakland Raiders signed Jeff George to a contract Monday, bringing back a player who hasn't thrown an NFL pass in five seasons. It's a strange move, if the Raiders really wanted a washed-up former top draft choice, they could have at least signed a younger has-been like Ryan Leaf!