JonBenet Arrest
A 41-year-old man has been arrested for the 1996 murder of six-year-old JonBenet Ramsey. The arrest could finally solve the mysterious killing and get the American news media to shut the Hell up about it from now on.

JonBenet Arrest II
A 41-year-old American man living in Thailand has been arrested for the 1996 murder of six-year-old JonBenet Ramsey. The news ruins the Bush administration's plans to blame the killing on al Qaeda.

JonBenet Arrest III
A 41-year-old American man living in Thailand has been arrested for the 1996 murder of six-year-old JonBenet Ramsey. The arrest really puts all those silly little stories we've been obsessed with like 9/11, the war in Iraq, and the Darfur genocide, in the proper perspective.

Prince Harry Groping
Britain's The Sun tabloid, has apologized for printing three-year-old pictures of Prince Harry groping a woman in a nightclub... the paper is very sorry for not making a bigger deal about this three years ago.

Flight Diverted
Two fighter jets escorted a London-to-Washington flight to an emergency landing in Boston after passengers said an odd-looking woman in a jogging suit was pacing up and down the aisles incoherently mutterings something about Pakistan... Seriously, when are we going to stop letting Christianne Amanpour fly?

Top 5 Things You Never Want to Hear on a Transatlantic Flight

5) "My Gatorade kind of tastes like nitroglycerin."

4) "Oh look, the in-flight movie is 'The Dukes of Hazzard!'"

3) "We weren't allowed to bring liquids on the flight, so do you mind if I breastfeed my husband at my seat?"

2) "I got your snake on a plane right here baby."

1) "I think Mike Wallace is interviewing the pilot in the cockpit."

Carroll's Story
Former American hostage Jill Carroll says her Iraqi captors controlled every aspect of her videotaped pleas for help, from what she wore to whether she would cry. I guess now we know where all those soap opera directors go when they can't get work in the U.S.