NEW AIRPORT SECURITY RULES!!! (What to expect if you're traveling by air in the coming months)

Personal Products I

If you’re an American traveler with 15 cans of deodorant in your carry-on luggage; expect to be detained by security

If you’re a Pakistani traveler who knows what deodorant is; expect to be detained by security

Baby Formula

If you’re a regular American traveler with a baby, you’ll have to drink a little of the baby’s milk or formula in front of security screeners to prove it's real.

If you’re Michael Jackson, you’ll have to use something else to seduce your potential boyfriends.

Nail Clippers

Bringing nail clippers in your carry-on luggage is no longer prohibited,

But anyone caught using their nail clippers while sitting on a flight, will be sent directly to Gitmo.

Special Exceptions

Certain celebrities and political leaders will be allowed to bring liquids on flights.

But if you're Patrick Kennedy or Mel Gibson, you will never again be allowed to travel with liquids by air, train, or car.

AND IN OTHER NEWS...

Winding Down Mideast War
In the final hours before the agreed-to cease fire, both Israel and Hezbollah are firing off more rockets and missiles at one another than at any time during the war. Apparently, this war is being planned by the guys who do the Macy's 4th of July fireworks show.

Hezbollah Decision
Despite his group's objections to the cease fire deal, Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah says his ministers in the Lebanese cabinet voted for it "in a spirit of national unity"... with Iran.

Israeli Conditions
Israel says it will not pull out of Lebanon until a potent U.N. peacekeeping force arrives. Of course, the whole world's been waiting to see a potent U.N. peacekeeping force since 1945.

White House Arrest
A 32-year-old Muslim woman wielding a machete was arrested Sunday outside the White House. At first she was not under suspicion, because she only had a machete and not a bottle of hair gel and sports drinks.